


Indestructible

by Itch



Category: Fire Emblem, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post Time Skip, Slow Burn, post skip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-08-13 22:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20181829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itch/pseuds/Itch
Summary: There's a war raging across Fodlan. Felix and Sylvain are travelling Faerghus helping those who are being displaced. But Sylvain finds feelings inside him he didn't know about before. How is he supposed to tell Felix, the stoic swordsmaster, about it?





	1. Empty Rooms and Fresh Pine

**Author's Note:**

> YOOOOO what is UP Ao3. As you might be aware, I haven't uploaded anything in nearly 3 years. Life kinda got in my way. My laptop broke, I didn't have another to use, I got a new partner, I tried to get a job. And now in 2019 I'm engaged to aforementioned partner, we have a one year old, and I'm elbow deep in new fandoms. So anyone here via an email alert from my sabriel days, welcome back. To anyone new who finds me now due to my beginning entry into Fire Emblem fic writing; welcome! I hope you all enjoy the first thing I've written in 3 years.

_I was searching for anything but me // I was waiting for somebody to feel what I feel_

Rain beat down on the near-empty streets in the village of Carthoes, up in the high north of Faerghus. Houses and shops stood empty, windows smashed and curtains billowing in the wind out of the frames. Felix nudged a door open with his foot, one hand resting on the hilt of his sword just in case there was an Empire soldier sitting inside, laying in wait. The main room was empty, a candle laying burnt out on it's side on the floor, and a single ratty blanket piled in the corner.

“Coast is clear.” He ran a hand over his hair, pressing down to squeeze the excess water off. He dropped the rucksack he was carrying by the wall and strode across the room, drawing the sword from it's sheath and jabbing at the blanket. Nothing. _Free blanket, nice._ Sylvain followed Felix in, chuckling under his breath when he spotted the sword poking the blanket.

“Is it dead?” He joked, dropping his own bag beside of Felix's. Felix rolled his eyes and ignored him as he sheathed the sword. Sylvain's humour had slowly been growing on him as they had been travelling together over the past few months, but that didn't mean he had to let Sylvain think he was funny. As long as he could keep the illusion with Sylvain that he _wasn't_ amused by his jokes, the better.

“It's another free blanket. We'll take it with us. Find someone who needs it.” He picked it up and shook the dust off, folding it neatly over his arm.

“We can use it for the night though, unless you want to share the other one again.” Sylvain sat down on the floor and opened his bag, pulling out a heavy woollen blanket he has stuffed in there. “This one is probably warmer than that one though. But we have a roof tonight! Gotta love roofs.” That did make Felix chuckle, and Sylvain's eyes lit up in glee. Felix shot him a sideways glance, and then smiled.

They'd been on the run for upwards of six months. Honestly, the concept of time had gotten away from them both and neither was quite sure how long it actually had been. When the war had broken out, Sylvain followed Felix back to the Dukedom of Fraldarius only to find a trail littered with destroyed villages, people scattered to the far corners of the Kingdom running away from the Empire's destructive wake. Felix at that point had decided he didn't need to go home, he needed to help the people. Working together, he and Sylvain had taken down troops, located food, clean water, clothing and blankets for people, for families. A few times they'd spent a day or two fixing walls in houses so the families had more shelter from the elements. Sylvain spent the time entertaining the children, making them smile and laugh in the times of hardship, and Felix taught the parents basic hand to hand combat to help them be able to protect themselves when needs be. 'Hopefully' – he said every time 'You'll never need to use this. But that doesn't mean you don't need to know it. Remember it. Practise it. Teach your children when they're a little older. Just remember it's always better to run than fight, especially if you aren't sure you can win.'

Sylvain held his hands out towards the fire, flexing his stiff knuckles. The weather was turning for the worse, the rain coming down harder, an icy wind whipping through the empty window frame and rustling their hair. Felix threw some more of the kindling on the fire and shuffled a little closer to Sylvain's side.

“C'mere. If we get closer together we will stay warmer. Sharing body heat and all that.” He grabbed the corner of the blanket that was around the redhead's shoulders and pulled it half around himself as well as he pushed himself flush against Sylvain's side.

“Oh wanna share my body heat do you Felix? Sounds naughty.” Felix punched him in the thigh in retort, holding back a laugh.

“Do you _want_ me to put the fire out? Because I will. I will put the fire out.” He threatened emptily.

“Ooh scary threat. You wouldn't put the fire out on us Feley. You wouldn't dare.” Sylvain rested his cheek on Felix's shoulder and closed his eyes. Felix smelt nice. Like fresh pine on a winter's day. It was refreshing, and as close to home as a smell could take Sylvain. House Gautier hadn't felt like home since Miklan. Since he had been put on this imaginary pedestal. He breathed in deeply, letting the imagery of one of the wide northern Faerghus forests fill up his mind and carry him off to sleep.

_I guess everything I knew fell apart around me // I was running from something inside my head_


	2. Memories and Planning Ahead

_You were the summer gold // I was broken in two now I can feel it again_

Felix awoke with a start and blinked rapidly as he tried to ascertain his surroundings. The grey bricks had all blended into one and the whole world was a blur until his eyes finally focused on the dreary room. He groaned and scrubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, pushing the small crusties that formed in the corners of his eyes away. A weak white sunlight was filling the space, so it was early. Sunrise early. Maybe 7am? Without a clock or a watch he had no way of telling though. Either way, his muscles were sluggish and brain fuzzy, his body's indicators it was still tired, and he needed more sleep. As he went to lay back down when he heard a noise outside. Footsteps. He froze, propped up on an elbow and looked towards the door. Sylvain was still laying next to him, peacefully asleep, with the thick blanket around him shoulders and one hand under his head. So it wasn't him who was outside. Then who _was_ it. Maybe he had misheard it. It could have been a dog, or a deer. Maybe it wasn't a person. Felix stood up slowly, not wanting to make any noise, and he crept over to the half open door, standing behind it.

“No one would have come back here. We came through weeks ago. We told them not to come back. Who would have been stupid enough to ignore us?” The voice was gruff was unfamiliar, but the accent twang made Felix place it instantly. _Empire._ He swore softly and grabbed the sword on the floor, twirling it in his hand. Empire thugs, returning to the scene of a crime. Returning to the scene of the place they'd just forced all the residents to move from. The cheek of it. The _gall_. Sylvain murmured in his sleep and rolled over, his other arm extending out towards the space that Felix had been in, patting the floor a few times.

“Mm, Fe?” His words were slurred as he raised his head, hair sticking up at odd angles.

“Shh Sylvain, Empire.” Sylvain sat up quickly, pushing the hair back away from his face.

“Empire?” Felix nodded, and then pressed a finger to his lips to shush Sylvain. Last thing he needed was to have them alerted to their presence by Sylvain being too loud. They currently had an advantage and he was not about to lose it.

“I gotta- lemme just, mmm, my gauntlets.” He scrambled at his back, pulling out his weapons and slipping them on. The footsteps drew closer, and then stopped.

“ What?” Sylvain shifted backwards on the floor till he was pressed up against the wall to stand up, making sure he was out of sight of the window and the door crack.

“I was sure I heard.... Hm.” Felix shot Sylvain a glance, whose eyes were apology enough, and they both directed their attention back at those outside. The footsteps restarted, but slowly got quieter as they walked away. Felix let out the breath he hadn't realised he was holding and sheathed his weapon.

“Bastards. What were they even doing here? Shit. We need to go – now.” Sylvain dropped the left gauntlet off into his bag and yawned widely.

“Need breakfast too, am starving.” Felix looked Sylvain up and down and noticed something he hadn't spotted before. Sylvain _was_ starving, at least a little bit. His face was slimmer than when they'd been at school, his clothes hung off him, and there were deep shadows around his eyes. He looked ill, gaunt, like he had aged centuries past his actual age. He guessed he probably didn't look much better. His hair was getting too long,

“There's a forest not far. There will be squirrels. And I need more kindling.” Sylvain nodded in agreement, and with one more yawn, shouldered his bag.

Felix stuffed handfuls of leaves into a leather knapsack and little twigs, refilling his kindling pouch for when they needed more fires. As he ruffled through a pile of leaves to find more twigs, a scream echoed out through the trees. Sylvain appeared by his side, holding a squirrel by the tail.

“You heard that right?” Felix took off running in the direction of the scream, dropping the bag of kindling as he ran.

“Get off! Get away!” A woman's voice. He ran faster, bursting into a clearing, sunlight blinding him as he wasn't now being protected by the canopy. “Who?” The red armour of the Empire made Felix's blood pressure rise and he looked at the woman cowering from them in the damp grass. He wished he would look to her like a saviour appearing from the shadows, but he probably just looked like a crazed madman, dirty face, wild hair, deep breathing. He drew his sword and pointed it at the soldiers.

“Bring it.” The soldier raised his eyebrows and laughed at him.

“Why would I want you?” Felix smirked and reached inside his shirt, pulling out the blue ribbon insignia he had worn daily at the academy. The royal blue and silver badge glittered. An identifier to who he was. The soldier's eyes opened wide when he saw him and he reached for his weapon. Before he could draw it, a lance sailed out over Felix's shoulder and into the soldier's chest. _Sylvain._ Felix put his sword away and ignored the man laying dying and headed straight for the woman.

“Are you okay?” He offered her a hand, and she took it, pulling herself up.

“I – maybe? I think. I'm not hurt. Thanks to you.” She looked around him at Sylvain who was unceremoniously pulling his spear from the man's chest. “And you. Are you together?”

“Yes. We are looking for survivors, people who need us. Do you need food, water?” Felix brushed her hair away from her face, checking her forehead for any bruises or cuts, but she was clean.

“No I'm fine, I'm good.” She batted Felix's hands away. “I was just collecting some herbs for making medicines for the others. Do you two want to-” Felix shook his head.

“We aren't staying anywhere for long. We like to keep moving. The more we move, the more people we can see. And the more we can help. Are you far from home?” Sylvain chimed into the conversation now he had wiped his lance on the grass. She shook her head at him.

“I'm close. I'll be fine now. Thank you. But uh, please, take this.” She rummaged in her apron pocket and pulled out a small package wrapped in leaves. “It's some herbs made into a painkiller. If you two are making a habit of fighting Empire soldiers you might need it. And I can make more the second I find more herbs.” Sylvain took it with a thanks, slipping it carefully into the secret pocket inside his bag. He might be able to slip some into Felix's dinner tonight and try and take some of the pain away. Sylvain wasn't daft, he had noticed the limp on Felix's left side a few weeks ago, and the way he was favouring his right more than usual, and he definitely hadn't missed the fact that Felix somehow smiled less now than he ever had done.

As the moon rose above them, trying to shine her way down to the forest floor to no avail, Sylvain rested a hand on Felix's head. He hadn't slipped the painkillers into his meal as he had thought about doing, instead Felix had, of his own volition, eaten a few sleeping herbs. _I need to sleep, and if this is the only way then so be it. Mercedes taught me to recognise them, trust me. And if you don't trust me, trust her._ And Sylvain did trust Felix. He looked down the sleeping man, the last embers of their fire illuminating Felix's face in a gentle orange glow. Felix looked unwell. Sylvain wished he could speak to Mercedes, or Annette, and ask them what he could do for him. Felix's face twisted in pain as he rolled over, one arm reaching over to grasp the other forearm, supporting it as he rolled.

“Shhh...” Sylvain whispered, pulling the thin blanket further up over Felix, right to his elbows instead of his waist. It was times like this he _really_ missed the monastery. He missed the warm beds in safe rooms, with blankets made of think yarn and silk, and pillows filled with feathers. He missed being able to go for leisurely walks around campus in the quiet night without worrying about being heard or followed. He missed the 3 hot meals a day filled with meat and vegetables and exotic spices. He closed his eyes to try and imagine the rooms he wished he could walk around in again. He could see the tri-coloured banners in his minds eye, the desks, the ink pots and quills on each table. He could see his own dorm room filled with books and flowers and half finished assignments he had forgotten to hand in. And then the scene changed. Fire, soldiers advancing, Edelgard's face underneath the Flame Emperor's mask, her white hair wispy around her face making her look like a ghost. Byleth's ghostly face as she turned and told them all to run. Dimitri's laugh. That _laugh. _It was hearing that laugh that made him realise exactly why Felix called him _boar._ There was nothing human about Dimitri in that moment. Sylvain wondered where he was now. Where any of them were now.

The scene changed again in his mind, rows and rows of muddy ditches, water filled trenches filled with soldiers. Mercedes stood amongst them, her healing magic glowing bright and green against the brown, her pale skin visible through her tear tracks on her cheek. Ashe was stood beside her, his bow in his hand, hair slicked back with rain. His eyes that had once seemed to youthful and happy, were ghostly and empty. Sylvain shook his head roughly, trying to erase the images. No. Everyone was fine. Everyone had to be fine. They would have gone back to their houses, and helped the resistance, just like he and Felix were doing. He licked his thumb and rubbed at a spot of blood on Felix's jaw. Presentation is still important, even in the middle in of a war.

Sometime before sun up, Felix woke up. He dragged his hands down his face before blowing hot air into his hands to warm them up. Sylvain was asleep leaning against a nearby tree, his lance laid across his lap, one hand resting on the handle pre-emptively. He sat up and reached out to scrub the remnants of the fire out, scattering the ashes. He didn't want it obvious that there'd been a fire here, because that would mean they would be easily followed. He wanted to wake Sylvain, to get them moving, but at the same time he just looked so peaceful asleep like that. He decided that maybe it was smarter to leave him for a little longer, then wake him to go. Sitting on his own reminded him of being at the academy. He would often wake up earlier than needed to get to his classes, and would mostly spend them sitting somewhere alone on the grounds.

One of his favourite places to sit and spend time had been under some trees in the graveyard. Since Glenn had died at the Tragedy of Duscur in the manner that he did, his body had never been brought home. Glenn didn't have a grave at the academy, but it was just somewhere peaceful and quiet to sit and think about him. Times like now though he really wished Glenn was here. He wanted his expertise, his advice, his warm smile. He wanted him to tease him about his long hair and cold demeanour again. He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye and cleared his throat. War wasn't the time to be getting emotional about people who were gone. In war, everyone loses someone. Sylvain had lost Miklan before the war had even officially begun. They both lost all their friends when they'd spread out across the country doing whatever. And Dimitri? The world had lost Dimitri. Maybe it was the other way round, and Dimitri had lost the world. Either way, the last time Felix had seen him, there was nothing there of him. It was as if someone had reached in, balled his humanity up and yanked it out. Felix didn't want to admit weakness, but it frightened him. Part of him wondered if Dimitri could even remember their names, and if he could fight against them if they came across each other in battle. Sylvain made a noise and leant forward, pushing his lance off his lap. He was awake. Time to keep moving.

_Love I'm halfway to whole_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's chapter two, another one I really enjoyed writing and I'm seeing where the story is going and where I'm going to be pushing it to next! As always, thank you for reading, please like, comment, and follow me on twitter @nothinggoeshere !


	3. Ivy and Wine

_I could be the dance on your dark side_

They walked throughout the rest of the night, and then the day ahead. They just kept pushing forwards, looking for some sort of building to set up camp in. They needed a base to build defences up around, to be able to leave gear behind without worrying about getting lost or having it looted. Every other building they'd come across though was either mostly destroyed, or was already being lived in. They reached a fork in the road and Sylvain leant against a lamp post, leaning down to retie one of his bootlaces. As he did, he noticed something.

“Hey, Felix, I think there's a path here.” Felix came over and kicked in the undergrowth, uncovering a dirt and gravel path. “Whatever is down here, it's not been used in a while.” Without speaking they both agreed – this was the place to go. As they headed down the path, each step crunching, some with the movement of the tiny stones and the others with the frost under their boots. That was another reason why they needed to find shelter – winter was approaching, and winter in Faerghus was deathly cold. The further they went, the more and more concerned they grew about what they were going to find at the other end. What if the other end had nothing down it? Just a waste of time, a dead end. It would be a safe place to make a fire and sleep at least, but then all the time they'd spent walking down there would be wasted.

The night seemed to grow darker around them, the darkness weighing on their chests. Sylvain stepped a little closer to Felix so with every step their arms brushed together. Anxiety began to build a little. This was the perfect place for an ambush. They weren't ready for an ambush. There was no way that they could win in an ambush right now. Sylvain opened his mouth to voice his concerns to Felix when, finally, a building came into view.

It was a small church shrouded in darkness, coils of ivy weaving themselves across the shale roof, into the drain and then back out, hanging like vines down the side. The front two windows were cracked, one across corner to corner and another like a spider's web, like someone had hit it with the palm of their hand. As they both stepped forward a little more, Sylvain saw a sign and he moved to it, pulling the ivy off it, squinting at the faded black letters.

_The Church of the Seiros, Saint Celestine; the Selfless and Brave. Enter here and leave thy troubles at the door, let the love of our beloved Angel rain down upon ye. Her Glory and Halo shall guide thee through times of hardship and trouble, if thou shalt kneel for her._

Sylvain rubbed a thumb through the grime to try and feel his way around the letters to make sure it said what he thought it said. The sign was very wordy though, and he let the ivy fall back to cover it over. _Leave your troubles and let the love rain down. _Honestly, leaving troubles at the door and finding love would be a wondrous thing.

“It's a church Fe, we should be safe here for a bit. At least one night.” Felix smiled and breathed out. He wasn't the biggest follower of the church, but if it would provide them both with a safe haven for a night, he would even pray for once.

They pressed on cautiously, making sure no one was there to risk an ambush. Felix reached out, pressing the palm of his hand to the wooden door that felt like solid ice. He pushed, and it didn't open. Locked maybe? Hinges frozen more like. Felix huffed, and grabbed the handle firmly. He might not exactly be a believer, but he was polite enough to know you don’t shoulder open the door to a church. He applied more pressure and shoved, the hinges freeing up and the door swung out with a squeak, Felix stumbling through the doorway along with it.

“Bast-” He started, before looking up. “Woah.”

  
Above the altar was a stained glass window depicting a man on his knees in front of a woman with wings, an angel. But instead of having white or gold wings like he might have expected an angel to have, the wings owere a deep navy, matching that of the sky outside. The only way Felix could see the colour was due to the moonlight shining through the window, the full moon situated right where the angel’s halo should be. He marvelled at the wonder of coincidences before he breathed a laugh, the sound turning to white smoke in the chill. He sat down on a back pew where he still had a perfect view of the window. “That's pretty cool.” Sylvain nodded, sitting in the pew opposite the aisle, saying nothing. He too couldn't claim himself to be a devout believer, but this sight, right now? Was enough to make anyone just that little bit religious.

Being sat in the cold darkness in an abandoned building was usually not something they usually did willingly, but in this case they silently decided making a fire inside the building was probably sacrilege. Besides, the amount of light coming from the moon was enough for them to see to unpack their essentials and look around. As Sylvain was in a back room, Felix decided he wanted to see the window closer up. His boots echoed as he walked up the aisle, standing in front of the altar. No features on the angel’s face. Just a simple pair of eyes and a serene smile. He rested a hand on the altar, jumping when it wasn’t smooth stone. He’d rested his hand on a rosary, faded, each wooden bead scored with tiny half moons like someone had dug their nails into them. He picked it up, the beads unnervingly loud, resting the cross at the end in the palm of his other hand. Crudely scratched into the back of it were the words_ Save Us All. _Well that wasn’t ominous in the slightest was it. Even with the message on it though, something within Felix seemed to click into place once he clutched the rosary in his palm.

“You'll never guess what I found!” Sylvain's voice was sing-song and Felix shoved the rosary into his inside pocket quickly. “Booze!”

“Excuse me?” He laughed as Sylvain waltzed out of the room he'd been searching holding two dark coloured bottles by their necks. “Oh my god, you're being serious.”

“It's a _church_ Fe, of course they have some. I think these are wine, I can't tell without opening them. There's no glasses, but two bottles is one bottle each. You in?” The last two words were muffled around the cork that Sylvain was in the process of pulling out with his teeth. It came out with a pop, and Sylvain chugged a mouthful and stifled a cough. _Old_ wine. Wine nevertheless.

“Oh you bet I'm in.” Felix uncorked the other bottle and took a swig, grinning. This was the best night they'd had in a long time.

_You could be the light in my black night_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a bit longer, my job took me to a music festival and my child is beginning to walk confidently so he's a speedy bugger.  
As always, like, comment, bookmark, and follow me on Twitter @nothinggoeshere !


	4. Whiskey and Candles

_I can see myself in your wild eyes_

An empty bottle of wine rolled across the church floor, and Felix giggled, reaching out, trying to grab it.

“No, come back. Don't go.” He muttered as his fingers skidded across the glass and it rolled further away. “No...” he whined sadly before turning back to look at Sylvain with a pout.

“It was empty Fe, leave it, but this? We've more of this.” He waved a bottle of dark whiskey that was heavily aged, dust caked onto the bottle with their fingerprints now making marks. They guessed it had belonged to the priest, sipping it when the day was done, or offering a small glass to anyone who came in full of woe. The church was obviously unused, as was the whiskey. It wouldn't be noticed as missing. Sylvain took a swig, and then handed the bottle over to Felix who also drunk down a large mouthful, wincing at the burning. Sylvain laughed at him and shuffled closer to take the bottle off of him, drinking some more down.

“I would say go careful, but fuck it. Let's have one night to ourselves.” Felix snickered, reaching for the bottle again. He missed as Sylvain moved, and he ended up grabbing Sylvain's wrist, fingertips resting over where his pulse throbbed just beneath the skin. Feeling the delicate beat made his heart jump slightly and he coughed, forcing himself to let go and take the drink instead. His brain was fuzzy with the alcohol, he wasn't sure what had come of him. Sylvain raised his gaze and looked Felix in the eye. Staring, brown on brown, time passed slower than it had ever felt, both acutely aware of their breathing.

“Felix-” Sylvain started, but he was cut off as Felix leant in, their lips meeting. It was brief, a slight brush, no more than a second, but it happened. It was over as quickly as it started and neither moved. The smell of wine and whiskey was blended on their breaths and each could smell it rising from the other. Sylvain shifted towards Felix, hand coming up to cup Felix's cheek as he kissed him again, this time without pulling away. Felix was caught back for a second, but he didn't move away, he just pressed closer, his hands coming up to grasp the front of Sylvain's shirt. Sylvain grunted, the hand on Felix's cheek moving to undo the pony tail and tangle his hands in the soft dark hair. Felix made a noise, a slow deep growl as he pulled Sylvain closer, teeth grazing the others bottom lip, the taste of the wine and the whiskey melding together.

“Shut up Sylvain.” He muttered before biting down, making Sylvain shudder and whine,

“Be nice, or I'll stop.” Sylvain laughed, tightening his grip in Felix's hair, making the other gasp.

“You wouldn't dare.” They both laughed then, pressing their foreheads against each other in an oddly tender gesture. “Feels kinda... blasphemous, y'know? Making out in a church. Surely we will be smote.” A cloud outside shifted over the moon, cutting off the bright light shining down onto them and they both looked up sharpish. “Well that was... here, let's get some candles going.” Sylvain untangled himself from Felix, standing up and straightening his shirt. “You gonna get up and help or what?”

The candle light glowed softly, casting a low light and a soft heat across them both. They lay beside each other, backpacks as pillows, hands clasped together. Neither wanted to speak about what happened earlier, in fear it was a dream, or the other regretted it. Sylvain hadn't felt like this before with anyone. The desire to keep going, to keep feeling and exploring. Knowing Felix, that wasn't what he wanted though. He looked over at him, and was surprised to see Felix looking back. Felix wasn't sure what Sylvain wanted. He was a notorious skirt chaser, very kiss and tell, and Felix didn't want that. Sure there was no one to tell, but that didn't mean he wanted to be kissed whilst he was the only one there and then dropped like a sack of beans when there was others readily available.

“Fe-”

“Shh.” Felix rolled onto his side, reaching his other hand up to press a finger to Sylvain's lips. “Let- let me just form my thoughts. Please?” There was a vulnerable tone in his voice that made Sylvain stop in his tracks. He hadn't heard Felix like this since Glenn died. The loss of his brother had closed him off, made him harden to the outside world. As a kid he had been fun, gentle, chased butterflies and even cried when they'd been caught by birds. He had been sweet, bringing flowers he had picked to the others. All changed when they lost Glenn. He had thrown up walls and cordoned himself off, making himself a danger zone. As the eldest and only other child of his family he knew he had big boots to fill, and was determined to fill them. Sylvain hadn't really understood that, because the boots he wore had been fashioned to him really. All he needed was the crest he hadn't ever had to work for, or even asked for, and everything fell into place like a jigsaw around him.

“Whatever you want. Take your time.” His smile was gentle, encouraging. Felix nodded and licked his lips, trying to put the words in his head in his mouth.

“Look. You know your reputation. Don't play dumb with me, because I know you aren't. I just...” He cleared his throat, averting eye contact. “I just don't want this to be some stupid you wanting something whilst there's nothing, and then the second the war is over we pretend this didn't happen.” He gritted his teeth, then sat up, letting go of Sylvain's hand. “This is stupid, I shouldn't be saying anything, we are drunk, we will probably just forget this ever happened in the morning.” Sylvain sat up as well, placing a hand on Felix's lower back.

“No, we won't, well I hope not. I know we are drunk but-” He'd never seen Felix like this. This exposed.

“Sylvain this is stupid, there's nothing between us, we are friends, travelling companions, we can't do anything like this. And you don't want to anyway, you're drunk, I'm drunk, we are both drunk. This doesn't mean anything, it can't mean anything.” He was panicking, rambling. Since losing Glenn he had been so shut off from everyone, but being so stuck with Sylvain, fighting, hunting, protecting each other, they'd bonded in ways Felix never thought he would with someone. He didn't know how to process it, he didn't know how to let someone in. Hell he didn't even know if he _could_ let someone in.

“Felix shut _up._” Sylvain snapped, pushing himself along the floor to sit next to, but facing him. “Yeah we are friends. We are travelling companions. But we are essentially living together man. We do everything together, and more. I rely on you to keep me alive, and you me. You need to let me in.” He stroked Felix's cheek in the darkness and was surprised to find it wet. Felix was _crying._ “Hey now.” Sylvain pulled Felix in, hugging him tight, and he felt the other man let out a sob.

“When Glenn died, everyone expected me to be like him, so I tried to be, I really did. But when he died, he left so many behind. Father, Ingrid... me. I never wanted to make anyone feel the way I felt when we found out Glenn wasn't coming back. I can't bear that thought.”

“Then I won't let you die on me silly, it's that simple.” Sylvain rested his cheek on Felix's hair and stroked his back, listening intently. “You don't have to leave me behind Felix, because I'm not going to let you die.” He lost Miklan because he couldn't do anything to help him. They'd lost their friends somehow in the ruckus of the war and god knows who was still alive. If he lost Felix too, he would have no one left.

“It isn't that _simple_ Sylvain, you know that.” Felix tried to hold in a small laugh at his friend's optimism but couldn't. He was just so blindly positive.

“It is. I'm not going to let you die. They'll have to kill me first.” His other hand rested on Felix's cheek, thumb stroking slowly. “I'm not going to lose you Felix, please trust me.” His voice dropped, a tender tone taking hold. He _was_ serious. He wasn't going to let Felix die. He felt Felix look up at him and he looked down, the light of the candle catching beautifully on his jaw and cheek bone, lighting up one of his eyes.

“You're being serious.” Sylvain nodded solemnly, thumb brushing over Felix's bottom lip.

“I wouldn't lie to you.” Felix believed that. Felix really believed that. The cheeky wildness in Sylvain's eyes was calm for once and he looked grown up, looked wiser beyond his years. Which made sense, they'd both seen things that would make people years their senior cringe and cower. The alcohol still in both their systems warmed them, the mood swing that caused Felix to lose his cool settling down. “Hey, Felix?”

“Mmm?” A comfortable drunken haze was descending over him again as he took in the warmth of Sylvain's body.

“Can I kiss you again?”

_If you can take the weight of my soul_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all for reading! Leave a kudos, a comment, and give me a follow on Twitter @nothinggoeshere

**Author's Note:**

> Whomp and there it is. I'm going to work on the next part over the next few days. The song being quoted at the beginning is the newest Goo Goo Dolls song 'Indestructible' so go listen to that, trust me.   
Thank you theydies and gentlethems for reading and I'll see you next time!


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